Med School vs Love: Should You Choose Your Partner or Your Future?

You busted your butt for YEARS to get into medical school, and now you’ve got OPTIONS—multiple med school acceptances. But what happens when your relationship starts interfering with your doctor dreams?

This week, I had a conversation with a student struggling to decide between her dream med school and her boyfriend’s feelings. She got into multiple med schools, and one of them offers a clear residency pathway. But her boyfriend? He wants her to stay local because he doesn’t want to move away from his friends. 🤦🏾‍♂️

Let me be real with you—if your partner isn’t willing to support your dreams now, do you really think that’s going to change once you’re a busy med student, then a resident, then a full-blown doctor?

Each week, I’m bringing strategies for:

💪 Locking in that bulletproof mindset.

⏰ Cutting the nonsense and getting productive.

🧠 Studying smarter, not harder.

🩺 Streamlining your path to med school.

If you're serious about medicine, this is where you need to be!!

**VISIT MY WEBSITE**

https://www.premedproductivity.com/

Chapters

• 0:00 Med Student's Relationship Dilemma
• 1:12 Drop Him Like He's Hot
• 3:00 Career Support in Relationships Matters
• 5:26 The Cost of Choosing Wrong Partners
• 7:13 Finding Partners Who Propel You Forward
• 9:55 Final Thoughts and Call to Action

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

All right, I hopped on here straight from work, didn't even change out of my scrubs, because I'm feeling mad. Today. We need to talk about it. It's relationships in medical school. We have to have relationships on point. I just had a conversation today with a student.

Speaker 1: 0:11

She's stressed out because she got accepted to multiple medical schools, which is amazing, awesome Time of your life, right? You've been working through pre-med for years to get not one multiple acceptances. And instead of celebrating, she's worried about choosing the right school. And you're like well, that might happen, right? I'm not sure which school to choose. They're all great schools. Well, in this case, we're not talking about the academics of it, we're not talking about the curriculum, we're not talking about even the finances. And which school is cheaper? Nope, she's worried because her boyfriend says that he doesn't want her to move away and he doesn't want to move with her. And why not? Because he doesn't want to leave his friends and start over in a new city. Give me a break, right? What do you guys think? You tell me what you think. Comment in the box right now. Hit the intro and then we'll get right to it. Today is the day, guys, you're going to take your future into your own hands. You're going to dominate, you're going to be successful. No excuses, just dominate. Let's break this down.

Speaker 1: 1:12

She has two choices. Option one she can go to the local med school, just like her boyfriend wants her to do and stay right where she is. It's a solid school, but the big thing is it doesn't offer the residency specialty that she's most passionate about. She wants to go into ortho and this local school doesn't offer an ortho program. Option two she can go to an out-of-state medical school. That is perfect for her. It's strong in her specialty, it's great faculty, who she's already connected to because she's done research before. So there's opportunities there for her that would set her up for the career of her dream. And you guys know how competitive ortho is right, it makes a big difference. And so she asked me. Dr Pines said what should I do? Does the residency connection really matter? And she's like do you need to know more about it? I'm like I don't even know anything. Drop this guy like a hot potato. Drop him like he's on freaking fire. He's a hot. Listen to you. Break up with this guy because he's trash, absolute trash, and while that may sound ridiculous to you guys, going to pick her boyfriend over her potential best med school fit.

Speaker 1: 2:13

These things happen a lot, and maybe it's not with choosing a medical school, maybe it's with enrolling in a course, maybe it's with spending your time and, oh, should I study? Or my boyfriend or girlfriend wants to hang out. This is really important to them. Oh, they want to go home for the holidays versus taking advantage of this extracurricular. Whatever it might be, we make decisions about our priorities and about when our priorities don't align with our family and our relationships. It can be problematic. So for you, a couple lessons to take away.

Speaker 1: 2:39

This is so important to me because I know in my career I have thrived. Guys, I'm so successful. It's crazy. Everything I've wanted to achieve in my medical career, in my mentoring and coaching career, in every aspect of my career going through my education, has been facilitated and realized and made possible because I have the ultimate supportive partner. My wife Shannon is amazing, amazing, amazing, amazing, amazing and she's been with me truly from day one, going all the way back to college. We've been together and at every step of the way she's always allowed me to prioritize my career and not made me feel guilty, but in fact encouraged me even when I didn't want to take certain risks and certain things in my career. I wanted to be a creature of habit. She encouraged me to push myself to the limit and when you have a partner like that, not only does it just set you free from the guilt that happens a lot in a relationship, but it truly propels you to higher heights because you have a cheerleader, you have a number one backup that when you don't believe in yourself, they believe in you and they believe you're capable. In these darkest moments of your journey, if your partner at any point in your career, if your partner, if your family members, your friends, are not prioritizing you and not prioritizing your career aspirations, you're and it's all about them, and they can't even consider what you're talking about.

Speaker 1: 4:00

What do you think is going to happen as your career goes on? When we talk about as pre-meds, as medical students, as interns, as residents, as new working attendings? Maybe you're changing to a different practice environment when you're in residency? Will they be okay with you having to move to a different city when you have to work long hours and crazy rotations? You just want to come home and take a nap after working a 25-hour shift. Are they going to complain that you don't have the energy to hang out with them. When you get an amazing fellowship or attending position, will they put pressure on you to turn it down because they're comfortable where they are? If someone truly loves you, they will support you 100% and they recognize that it's this shared aspiration and they won't hold you back in this.

Speaker 1: 4:41

And one of the things that has to happen early in a relationship is you have to talk about these things. Too many people out here are scared to talk about the hard issues in relationships and to do future planning as a unit, to see if your future visions align. How do we want to spend our time? Where do we want to spend our time? What is most important to us? And if you don't get aligned on it, you don't have those tough conversations. You could never be aligned.

Speaker 1: 4:58

And then it comes up at these crucial junctions, after you've wasted all this time with them and spent all this time and you're invested and it's anchored into this relationship and the next thing you know it's a catastrophe. And in this situation she came to me and she's making a decision. I hope she listens to me and breaks up with this guy. But I've seen it before, where students have chosen their significant other and then it all falls apart. And I had a student a few years ago in a similar situation where his fiance convinced him to turn down an out-of-state residency after medical school because the fiance didn't want to move. And so when it came time to select a residency he was like, okay, I'll just stay at this local one. And the program didn't offer the inpatient hours and he was going into a primary care specialty and the program he was going into specialized in clinic and outpatient but didn't really have the hospitalist experience he wanted because he wanted to be a hospitalist. And so, as a result, he gets into this residency position and then a year later they break up and guess what? He's now stuck in this residency program that doesn't have the hospitalist experience he wants and you fast forward a couple of years and now he's having to go back into a hospitalist fellowship, like an externship, to get that hospitalist experience so that way he can get a great hospitalist position. It's costing him extra time, costing him salary dollars and it's just stressful when if he would have made the decision for his career as opposed to focusing on what his fiance wanted to do and just didn't want to move. It's a terrible thing to do and it's the regret of it after the fact.

Speaker 1: 6:19

In real life, relationships don't always last, but your career is forever y'all. You'd be in a position for 40, 50 years. Make the right decision and recognize, like Beyonce says don't think you're irreplaceable. Everybody's replaceable, particularly if they don't support you. The second part of this is is it not just that relationships shouldn't hold you back? But, like I said, relationships should propel you forward.

Speaker 1: 6:41

You want a partner who's a true teammate. You guys are on the same accord Get a game plan together. When you have these conversations about your future planning, are you guys the same person? If, early in your relationship, when you guys sit down and future plan, even if you're talking about like current stuff going on, like, oh, I like to stay home, I like to go out Well, little differences early on that you overlook and it's not a big deal. They're like do this, I do this. It's different as your relationship goes on. That grinds on you Because as things get more stressful when you're busier in residency, busier in medical school, busier as an attending, when your job life's on the line, you're very stressed out.

Speaker 1: 7:12

And then you've got kids involved, you got bills involved, you got all these things involved, you only get more stressed, and so all those little things that are annoying become unbearable and so it just collapses the relationship. That's why you see so many people as they go through milestones oh, they've changed. Oh, I've changed, I've evolved. No, you're the same person. You just now are letting it be what it is. All the things that you overlooked now become big issues.

Speaker 1: 7:35

So you want to make sure that you align with your significant other and you want to make sure that you guys have those shared interests. And so for me and my wife, we are always family first. We're like no, it's about family, it's about being there for our kids. And so in all my career, we've made moves to say listen, let's do this, because it's going to allow us to have this freedom and flexibility later on to do this. Oh, you know what? Take this position because it'll let you do this. Oh, you don't go to Stanford and you'll have those great training, and so that way you'll have your choice of residency and we can come back down to Southern California and be close to our families and have that support and be where you want to be. We were aligned on what we were doing.

Speaker 1: 8:09

When it was time to go to Stanford, I wasn't sure. I was like you know what? I really want to go to Stanford. This was my number one pick and I'm in. But if you move to Northern California and it'd be so different, I could just stay local. I've been here at UC Irvine, ucla I can stay at one of these schools.

Speaker 1: 8:23

And she was like no, you can't pass up Stanford, are you crazy? Stanford tree is what she likes to joke and call them the Stanford trees, the Stanford Cardinal. But she pushed me as a teammate would. She picked me up when I was going to make a foolish decision for myself and then, even when I got to certain points in my journey and things got difficult, she was like no, no, we're going to get this done. There was those moments when I was going to slack off and not be my best. She wouldn't allow me to be my best.

Speaker 1: 8:47

And that's really what a relationship you should look for in like synopsis here is you want a relationship that's going to strengthen you, is going to fortify you, not weaken you. And throughout my journey, like I said, my wife has been there and it's kind of a testament to her. But I just want you guys to know that there is that person out there for you. A lot of people settle. Don't settle. There is that person who's out there for you, who will support you, who does believe in you, who does want to rock with you on the pathway that is important to you. So don't settle for someone who ain't in your corner. Don't settle for someone who isn't all in. You want someone who's all in, because if you're trying to become a doctor, you've got to be all in and so everybody's with you got to be with you, all in. It can't be anchoring you down, pulling you back, holding you back, resisting you.

Speaker 1: 9:27

I'm not saying you should always put your career over your relationship, but be more selective about your relationship to where that person aligns with your career. It makes all the difference, guys, in your lives and your happiness and whatever. I feel happy every day and blessed every day because I know I've picked someone who supports me and who's loving and cares about the things I care about, and so I don't ever have to feel like, oh, I can't share this with her, I can't talk to her and have a discussion about this next move and whatever. All of you guys, keep that to mind. Have a wonderful, wonderful day. Take a second like this video right now. Comment, let me know what you guys think about this subject, about relationships. If it's your first time, subscribe, turn on those live notifications so you always know when I have a video coming. We've got new videos every Monday and Wednesday for you guys. We've got the podcast for what to do on your drive or wherever you're going your workout. We've got that also.

Speaker 1: 10:13

I'm Dr Andre Pineset. I'm the pre-med project expert. As always, I'm here to comes relationships. If you don't have it right, it'll suck that positivity right out your life. It'll suck that productivity right out your life. So get it right, get it going. My question to all you guys as we end is think about this what's important to you and your career aspirations? And if you were in the situation where your relationship conflicted with your career goals, what would you do? That's it for another episode of the Pre-Med Productivity Podcast. Show your love by smashing the like button and commenting in the box below.

Speaker 1: 10:45

Today is the day, guys. No more excuses, no more complaining. You're going to take your future into your own hands. You're going to dominate. You're going to be successful. I challenge you. What are you going to do today to make your life better? Get to my website premedproductivitycom, grab a free ebook, sign up for a free webinar and, if you're really ready to transform, enroll in one of my life changing courses or coaching programs. You have greatness inside you. Let me show you how to unlock it so you can dominate and make your dreams a reality. No excuses, just dominate.